we have this like idea that we have to share everything right and if we don't share it it didn't happen so I had another baby lately I have just I've been feeling fine but I keep waking up like super early in the morning just not feeling the best King especially you've been schooling because he just loves to watch the delay I don't know why he likes to do this but anyway um I keep waking up at like 3 A.M every morning 3am and I just haven't been like feeling the best I feel like really tired a lot and my cycle still never showed up so I'm like all right let's just take another test for you know crafts and noodles right time for the results that's two lines right am I crazy whoa whoa you thing that's fun oh wow okay God I wanted King to have a sibling um well deep down inside I wanted him to have a sibling I was okay if he didn't have a sibling because in my mind I'm like he could be an only child it's not a big deal um but I think in my heart I knew I wanted him to have a sibling I've seen kids with their you know and I have siblings and I'm just like you know that'd be nice for Kane to have a best friend like a bulletin best friend because like my siblings like they're my built-in best friends okay do you want a baby well not you have a baby but do you want Mommy to have a baby wow girl wow oh my God am I gonna have a video on my birthday no what's today's date July oh thank God February March April okay so this might be like an April baby I might come around Tay's birthday yay [Music] oh I love you so much I know I love you I am recording this super super like way way after like the baby is here and everything um and I've taken a break from YouTube and I took a break actually from a lot of things when I became pregnant for the second time and I'm still laughing about this because honestly it has just been the craziest Journey um it has been the craziest experience to have had another baby like like I'm still like I still sometimes have like a pinch me moment like I am a mom of two and it's exciting um and it is it's an experience experience for sure um and I really I love it I love it and I I never thought that I would be so happy about something in my life like I just I never could have thought that I'd be happier than I could ever comprehend I I can't I can't even put it into words I literally can't I have I don't have the words for it so I want to talk a little bit about why I kept my pregnancy a secret I kept my my pregnancy a secret on social media on YouTube like literally nobody knew I was born there were probably five people and then our immediate family that knew we were pregnant and that we were having a baby and for me being fully transparent I didn't think that I was going to have more kids after King I was actually really afraid to just because I had complications with my pregnancy I had complications with delivery and then on my maternal side um just a lot of the women on my mom's side of the family have a lot of complications and issues with pregnancy and so for me I spent King's pregnancy which is my oldest I spent his pregnancy very scared like just very nervous a lot of anxiety which I already have anxiety so a couple like like it was just adding more anxiety on and for me I was just really nervous about doing the Oliver again and so that I really was just in a headspace of I am not doing this again like there's just no way but here we are with two and it's been it was interesting right my pregnancy with my second wasn't nearly as challenging and I truly believe it was because I kept it quiet um and it's it's a little bit surreal on how different the pregnancies were and how different the deliveries were and while there were definitely some things I was not feeling about my second delivery um pregnancy overall wasn't as taxing it wasn't as as hard um am I gonna do it again prayerfully not I okay herself I am I am hoping that we are teething through um I in my heart I feel to and through I'll say with King why I did feel one and done um there was a part of me that was like you know what I think that we're gonna have another one and today and I had conversations and something that happened as we were having conversations about having another kid is that I found myself feeling sad when I wasn't pregnant and there was a period of time that we weren't trying to get pregnant but we weren't not trying to get pregnant and okay so for the past few days I've had motion sickness like literally walking up and down the stairs makes me sick um my face is breaking out [Music] like I don't get acne so my face is like breaking out really bad and I thought at first I was like oh maybe because I'm um what else I've been tired I've been not cranky or Moody but I have definitely been increasingly frustrated um and I'm not like now I'm to a point in my life where I'm not like super oh my gosh everything is like sucks or whatever you know so for me to be having like these weird moods I'm just like uh what's going on so today I decided I'm gonna take a pregnancy test just to like rule out that it's that I haven't had my cycle since being like having the baby so I haven't had my cycle in like two years you know it's hard to really know if you're pregnant or not if your period's not coming so um yeah guys sex leads to babies so I'm fully acknowledging that whether I'm pregnant or not so let's look at this test I'm not looking all right not pregnant okay yeah not pregnant I have a mixer so we're not pregnant it was at that time that I realized that secretly I had the desire to have another child I just had let myself feel that yet because I was still afraid for lack of better words I was still afraid of what pregnancy was like and I was so afraid of you know um delivery I was like still afraid of certain things and so I didn't let myself fully like be okay with the idea of having another child and it's so interesting when I watch back certain clips and look at certain things I'm like wow you know I for someone that didn't want any more kids I definitely was like dejected and you know just like there's a sort of sadness that I see in myself about not being pregnant um and I feel like that's so interesting and it's so telling of like sometimes we don't know what our true desires are like sometimes we don't truly know what we want until we receive it um and now on the other side of things I'm definitely like heck yeah I wanted another baby like duh you know why wouldn't I um and I also realized the difference in the feelings that I had after having my first to having my second like after my first I think that because everything was so new and so different I was just like oh yeah I'm done this is you know I was having all those feelings um but I don't think I realized how beautiful that Journey was in that moment right with my second I really I noticed that I savored a lot of different moments of my pregnancy of my delivery um and even of this postpartum time I've savored it in such a different way which has given me a differences of Peace which is why if I don't have any more children which I'm five thousand percent okay I have no more children I will I I know that I feel complete and I know that I've savored every single moment of the second pregnancy and the second delivery and you know I've I've really savored all that and so if it's my last which I I truly like I'm in a headspace where I'm like I do hope it's my last um but you know if this is my last like I feel like there are certain things that happen and I'm like this feels final and it's sad but I love it at the same time so I don't know if anybody else can relate to that feeling because it's it's definitely like a lot of different feelings it's a lot of different feelings but it's it's honest like it's honest where I am in this season um and you know I'm really going with God on it like I'm really like all right where are we at with this you know what what we do it you know um and it feels it feels good though like it feels really good and it feels really um safe which is something that I have been looking for in this season of my life because there have been a lot of things that have made me feel unsafe um and motherhood was something that I really wanted to I wanted to Mother myself in a way that I hadn't experienced before and it's been beautiful when I became pregnant the second time I knew that I had to do something different something that I experienced my first pregnancy and I feel like everybody that's pregnant like whenever you have kids whenever you like start having kids and stuff you experience like the whole unsolicited advice thing okay so when I became pregnant I knew that in order to really experience the pregnancy the way I wanted to experience it I needed to be silent um I I actually wasn't intending to keep the whole pregnancy a secret I was planning to talk about it but I had a client of mine talk to me about um Elizabeth don't know Elizabeth is the mother of John the Baptist and I knew like when I got pregnant I was like praying like God I want this to be easy pregnancy like Lord like just please I can't I I can't do the drama that I did the last pregnancy and so like it just so happened that my client talked to me about Elizabeth and and really didn't know the story of Elizabeth I knew about Elizabeth and Mary I knew like about how Elizabeth's womb like it um you know the baby jumped for Mary um but I didn't really know much about Elizabeth herself and um I read the scripture and I'm going to share the scripture with you Luke 1 24-25 and it says now after those days his wife Elizabeth conceived and she hid herself five months saying thus the Lord has dealt with me in the days when he looked on me to take away my reproach among people and it was at that moment that I realized um and I just I felt like God was telling me like be quiet like be still if you can be quiet if you can be still if you can just Rest in Me I will take away any pain I will I will help you navigate the season but I had to trust him fully and in order to do that I had to remove all the influences and the people and just the things that were out there that I could listen to because I will say with King with my first pregnancy you know it was new it was exciting and everyone was excited right everybody and their grandmother you know had advice and they had things they wanted to share and while I get the sentiment behind it right and I I understand that people you know moms were coming for a really loving place it wasn't always helpful um especially people that like had a really bad experience right when they have a really bad experience and they're telling you these things and it's like it just makes you more scared and more anxious than necessary because of that I was like all right I'm armed with the Lord and you know we're gonna try this new approach and so um we told you know our immediate families um and then like we we both have like a couple of friends that we told God Parents knew and and Jesus that was it we just kept it really tight so I'm gonna do okay I was just gonna like because um we're supposed to be going to uh where are we going we're supposed to be going to Starbucks um so I was just leaving the hand of the test and record it but now I'm like maybe I should put King in a shirt and then and say like big brother I wanted to get a shirt that said big brother you know would have been super cute but I couldn't find one but they did have a shirt that said awesome brother awesome brother so I think what I'm gonna do is I'm going to Teddy's not going to notice it at all I'm just gonna change him out of this shirt and then I'm gonna tell Tay like when you get to your like oh change the baby's diaper and I'm gonna try to figure out how to give King a pregnancy test without him putting it in his mouth I like your shirt okay I like your shirt cool kid that's not how you get it out we're still weaning um the best hooks in the world I have a kiss okay it's in my pocket foreign got a shirt on oh [ __ ] yeah Who you gonna talk awesome I can't see the whole thing awesome brother awesome brother what y'all trying to say let me look at Keisha yeah you pregnant yeah [ __ ] you lying I did it twice I can't see I can't see what that mean I mean that's what I said I said what a pregnant not pregnant women it got two lines no we're not telling people no I thought you were gonna hear what she said last time foreign that was the whole thing and um and it was great like it was really fun like being creative because like I'm you know I'm a business owner so I had to like still show up on social media and so it was really fun and like really funny to you know be creative like I have a whole photo shoot at six months pregnant and I posted the photos nobody knew like I was six months pregnant and I was huge like I was huge at six months pregnant um and like the photos that I posted like nobody knew um and it was really fun I mean there were some people that were like oh yeah like when I finally announced that they were like oh yeah I knew up Okay girl okay um but you know it was it's really fun and but also I think more importantly and like even going deeper as to like why I chose to keep it like my own like a secret I feel like online we have this like idea that we have to share everything right and if we don't share it it didn't happen I don't know if you guys remember like or if you remember when people used to say you know if it's not Facebook official it didn't happen you know like or or now that it's Facebook official like you know it's real and it's like we really do have that thought process around things but the truth of the matter is is that there's so much life outside of these apps and I I feel like we have to remember that and I have to remind myself of that and something that I was convicted about is that I spend a lot of I've spent you know I spent a lot of time in my my adult life you know from the time that I got on Facebook when I was like 15 to you know now I'm 30.

I spent a lot of time on these apps and you know living my life and then putting the snapshots like putting the proof online and I realized like I don't want to do that anymore um I I realized that instead of like thinking about it as me putting the proof I instead want to document and share it when I'm ready or share it when I want to like I want to take back my power with my relationship with social media and this is just me personally and I realized like for this for this experience I wanted to experience it fully without any thoughts of getting a response from anybody else um especially people that were not super close right and this is specifically like I have family members that I'm not not super close to and stuff like that and I really just I know that people mean well but things can come off wrong you know and even things that I can say can come off wrong so I wanted to just be mindful of like what kind of energy am I going to carry for this pregnancy what kind of energy am I going to carry around now becoming a mom of two like I had a couple of family members that I had you know shared it with and they said some things and I was just like man like dog I I wish that I just wish that people could be you know happy about I don't know I just I wish people's responses were different um and so because of that it just really it made it to where I was like I need to be more intentional and that's the thing for me I want to always be and I strive to be more intentional and I truly believe this is because I've had like I've had kids I didn't used to think this way before I didn't used to like I didn't used to think this stuff at all but now that I have kids I want to show them something different and something better I want to show them how they have to be responsible with the people they allowance their life and the influence they have in their life um and the influence they have on others more importantly I want to raise them to be God-fearing men I want to raise them to speak the gospel and to you know read the word and let that inform their choices and their next steps and so if I don't say anything else the most important thing is that I feel like personally God told me to be quiet and that's fine and when the time came I was able to share and it was a beautiful thing and when I shared it the baby had been born for a little bit and I and I shared it and it was great like it was it was beautiful and you know it really just kind of like solidified for me what happens when you're obedient like what happened like this is what happens when you are obedient and you follow whatever instruction you're getting you know I I don't think there's you know what God tells you may be different from what he tells me in terms of like what he wants us to do and so I'm not here to say like oh you need to you need to keep your pregnancy a secret you don't need to share it you know if you're a business owner and Pablo I'm not saying that at all I'm just saying like whatever he tells you to do just do it you know because like I will say like this this pregnancy was so much easier I still had a few complications um but it was so much easier my delivery my delivery was good I will say that it was good but there was something so I was like bro come on not to God but you know like bro um but you know I just feel like now I'm in just a whole different season and different thought process around or what God can do I I think I always knew that God could do all things you know that was never the question of concern but by level of just like Blind Faith I didn't experience it until now and what I will say is that man I've been missing out I've been missing out and it's it's you know I'm I'm glad like I'm glad that I finally did the thing that was hard you know and I actually had a friend ask me the other day you know how like what are some tips on being obedient and what I said to her is that obedience while it's not easy you can do it when you know it's from God and so for me I had that confirmation right I had the scripture I prayed on it you know when something is from God you have that that inner peace and confidence around it and so being obedient while it's still going to be a challenge right so it's gonna be like there was there were plenty of moments that you know I recorded something and my belly was showing and I was like I'm gonna say English but I was like no you know no you can't post that you know you can't post this um you know and I had to do it again or I just didn't post at all or whatever and so you know when it comes to being obedient I I feel like especially for me something that I have to be really sure of is is this is something that God told me to do because a lot of times we say like oh God said do this when he didn't say that you know and then it's like you you're battling yourself like you're battling yourself and you're saying it's God you're saying it's God and it's like no you made this up and I've done this so many times where I said like oh God told me to do this God makes me do this and it's like I literally made this thing up um but obedience while again it's that easy definitely not easy it becomes something that you want to do because you love God and because you respect God and because you fear God you do it because of that and while again it's not easy you just have this inner peace knowing that you know what there's a purpose to this like I'm doing this for a certain end for a certain purpose for a certain you know whatever and you may not know what what's on the other side of that like I didn't know what was on the other side of this I didn't know what was on the other side of me keeping it profit I didn't know how God was going to bless me I didn't know you know that the people he was going to put in place I didn't know the healing that I was going to experience I didn't know those things going into it what I knew is that he told me this he gave he put this on my heart and I was obedient I did it um and while again like there were times that I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna throw everybody like everybody for the final because I mean I was excited obviously excited you know I was super excited but I also knew that like okay okay like there's a reason for this and I hope this is encourages this encourages somebody whether it's you know a pregnancy announcement whether it's something else like seek God right I do know is that I am peace and I am grateful and I I feel like the things that have happened in the last year have happened because of my obedience and I think that while there were a lot of struggles while there were a lot of um well there were a lot of hard times I was able to see the Silver Lining I was able to get extend myself Grace because I knew and I had confidence that I was like being OB that was blocking in my calling and walking my purpose and I was you know I knew I I knew and um I hope that encourages somebody like if you're in the midst of a season where you're like okay God what's going on here like what's going on here I just want to encourage you to like keep praying through it like keep praying through it keep you know and stay quiet like sometimes you have to just like sit still for long enough to get a response and that can be the hard part like I'm be honest like it sucks like it sucks like it's just um you know but I I really started getting more into the word um you know King is into the word like King King can kind of pray now which is really cute um there were a lot of things that needed to happen and I feel like this season of just being quiet and being obedient and you know um navigating the changes that I was gonna go through from being a mom of one to now being a mom of two like all of all the things that happened were necessary and um yeah so that's it so that was my this is my pregnancy announcement and that is it for this one thanks for hanging out with me and if you have any questions or um you know if this conversation like Sparks anything and you want to talk about it in the comments I'd love to talk about it and maybe share in the comments below a scripture that you turn to whenever you are like looking for God to confirm something for you I would love to hear those and see those in the comments until next time I will talk to you later

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